Am I in a toxic relationship? Should I stay or leave this toxic relationship? If you are asking yourself this question, or know someone who is, then you need to read this article. It is your get away ticket from a toxic relationship.
The number one way of getting out of a toxic relationship is first knowing that you’re in one. And that is the essence of this article.
Let me ask you a quick question, have you noticed this odd attitude in mankind? The fact that we bury ourselves wherever we are used to, whether or not we find comfort in such a place.
Even if that place is the opposite of peace, we tend not to want to leave, no matter how much discomfort we may be getting from such a place.
Why is this so? Why do we settle where we derive neither happiness nor joy? There can only be one reason- we are afraid of change. Hmm… worrisome, don’t you think?
Despite seeing all the obvious signs that conclude that ‘enough is enough’. We automatically program our mind that leaving is impossible, and even if it was possible, we tell ourselves, “It would be wrong to make such a move.” Or “It’s not that bad”
You’d agree with me that this occurs more in our relationships. However, this post will focus only on the unmarried (either for those in a potential relationship or single).
Unknowingly, many youths are dying in their relationships rather than thriving. No one deserves to be in a toxic relationship, or as I prefer to call it, relationshit.
The problem to leaving, however, is apart from not knowing how to leave, we focus on all the bad things that can result from leaving such a toxic situation and forget all the good reasons we should do it.
Another obstructing factor to leaving is that they have not decided because they are confused. Rather than calling it quit they somehow cook up excuses for their partner, “He/She can still change.” Sorry to burst your bubble, you are not God.
I do not intend to dribble around so I am going to get right to the point.
Below are the two effective techniques that when used honestly, can help to know whether or not you are in a relationship or a relationshit. And when you do, you need to get out. Better an ended relationship than an ended marriage.
The first technique;
1. Step out mentally.
How do you do this?
Pretend as though you are a third party. Assume for some minutes that you are not the one being affected by the situation. Imagine that your friend is the one going through what you are going through at the moment. He/she has come to you for advice. What kind of advice would offer your friend?
You must have asked this question before, why is it that the people who give good and epic relationship advice often face serious relationship challenges themselves?
Here is an illustration to answer your question,
Felicia is a lady who writes books on relationships. She has every answer/solution to every questions/troubles her friends ever have. What these friends are oblivious to is the fact that she is silently dying in her own marriage.
While her books are helping couples become better and stronger, her own marriage is fading off. She is completely unhappy.
You may ask why that could be, I mean can’t she just apply the advice she gives to help people to her own marital life?
I wondered the same as well until I realized that it is easier to find and predict solutions when the issue does not affect you directly.
When you are unaffected by a situation, you know exactly how to solve the problem until that problem becomes yours.
Often more than not, like Felicia, these counselors, of course find it extremely difficult to open up to anyone as they already proclaim a figure that says they know it all.
The sign board says, They do not need help because they are the help that people seek. To them and perhaps to their clients, it would be disappointing as well as shaming to ask for help (even though they desperately need it).
This is why this third party technique works. If someone else was in the kind of relationship that you are right now, what advice would you give them? To stay or to leave?
So step out and offer your friend (self) some candidly sincere advice!
Secondly, ask this question.
2. Would You Choose Them Over Again If You Could Turn Back The Hand Of Time?
Sometimes, what we hold on to so tightly is what we would not desire or miss if lost. but until we let go, we will never find out. The same applies to our relationships.
So, take a moment and ask yourself, if you had it all to do over again, if you could choose a partner again, would they still qualify to be your partner? Be sincere with your response and you will get your answer.
if your answer is no, then it is safe to say that you are merely wasting your time with them.
Finally, pray about it. In our weakness, we can always find strength with and in God. I know I do. Prayer shows you what you may not be able to decipher on your own.
Sometimes, we make mistakes in our point of view, hence the first technique mentioned above may prove abortive if you are not very good at making good decisions for yourself. But with sincere prayer and obedience to God, your decisions will never be faulty.
In conclusion, getting out of a toxic relationship is by far one of the most difficult decisions anyone can make. But at the end, it would turn out to be the best decision to make. As the popular sayings goes, better a broken relationship than a broken marriage.
Related article – RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS YOU MUSTN’T IGNORE
Has this article taught you something? Then do share with others so they can learn as well. Do you have something to contribute to this post? Feel free to use the comment box below. It’s always a pleasure reading from you!