There’s a popular question we youths often ask, “What criteria should I look for to know whether he/she is the right man or woman to marry?” Generally speaking, ‘What Kind of Spouse should I Marry?’
Let’s distract ourselves and take our mind off this COVID-19 for a while, shall we? We can do that by pretending as though it doesn’t even exist and focusing on what’s ahead of us. Let’s choose to act optimistically. Doing that alone makes us a conqueror of the peril.
Here today, we’re gonna be enlightening ourselves on that greatest thing about mankind and life as a whole –LOVE. In the dimension of marriage!
So who is the right man or woman for us to marry? For clarity sake, I am not married. However, the best of knowledge is not always gotten from personal experience. Right from when I knew what marriage really was, I have found myself develop the passion to learn more about it . Hence, I try to acquire as much knowledge of it as possible as I can.
Marriage is an institution ordained by God. It’s no wonder that it is a Paramount phase of our lives. Marriage however, is like an ocean that only the skillful can dive into without getting drowned. Hence just like every other institution, marriage requires prerequisites known as knowledge before entering into it- before walking down that beautiful aisle and saying “I do”.
We all, when asked about the type of man/woman we want to marry, most certainly have a long list to read from, our Mcdreamy list, lol.
For ladies here’s what the list may look like, “I want a tall and dark man, well built with six packs, must be rich and romantic, must be God fearing.” And so on.
The guys may not have a long list written but they sure have a list at heart. A guy’s list will most likely look like this “She must be slim, not fat at all. Curvy. Not too short. Can cook nice meals with varieties, spiritual or God fearing…” And so on.
Are these things bad? Absolutely not. But they are not entirely right (for choosing the right man or woman to marry).
You see unlike other institutions, marriage is a permanent one. Marriage doesn’t have a graduation date, once we’re in it, we’re in it for life. So why should we choose temporary criteria for a permanent institution? Believe me, most of the criteria listed above are temporary.
Now to the main point of the article. What criteria qualify him/her to be my spouse?
The number one criterion is Choose a man that knows God.
There’s a difference between a man/woman that fears God and a man/woman that knows God. Knowing and fearing God are not the same.
For instance, let me joggle our memories back to when we were in secondary School. Many of us then feared our teachers especially the strict ones that used to beat us a lot then. (If you you attended a public school like I did you’d understand this better, lol). We would do anything they asked us to do even if it didn’t please us. Remember that we did those things not because we loved them but because we were scared of what they would do to us. We were afraid of the cane, the punishment. However we spoke ill of them in their absence. Some of us would curse them under our breath as soon as the teachers were not in sight.
Now back to our discussion. A man that only fears God is like a student that fears his teacher. He doesn’t know neither does he love him but he’s afraid of him. And in the absence of such teacher, he would not think twice before going against his instructions.
A man/woman that knows God automatically loves Him genuinely, no pretense, no questions asked. Hence the prerequisite to loving God is knowing Him. For God himself is love (1John 4:8).
A man that knows God =A man that knows love. You get??
A man that knows love (genuine Godly love, not the love/lust at first sight that we are so fixed on these day) displays it. A man that knows God loves God and hence loves what God loves and hates what God hates (an example is Adultery).
Today many marriages are crashing because of adulterous acts just after few years of walking down the aisle and saying ‘I do’ in the most beautiful way with so much enthusiasm and euphoria. Now would you say these people did not love each other before marrying? Of course they did. And not all of them are bad people. So what went wrong?
We live in a world that reeks of temptations. Even the strongest people have fallen victims. A guy, married or single doesn’t need to search for a lady any longer, she would locate him and approach him herself.
The flesh is weak, hence, it is so easy to give in when a man is confronted with seductions by a lady, and vice versa. At this particular moment, the likelihood of cheating is almost 100 percent not because they don’t love their spouse but because the flesh is weak.
However, a man that knows God at this point (a moment of temptation) does not only think about the love he has for his wife (because that alone may not really help him overcome the situation at hand as the spouse is not physically present) but thinks about God. The love of God in His heart will make him flee! That’s the difference between fearing and knowing God! When a man truly knows God he does right by Him whether in private or in public.
In addition to the above, when all these attractive physical features fade, the love at “first sight kind of love” will not be sufficient to sustain the marriage. It takes a pure and genuine love to do that… the love of God- the sustainer of all!
In summary, these three qualities must be the basics for choosing the right man/woman to marry -1. Knowing God, 2. Loving God and 3. Fearing God.
Marry a man/woman that knows God, this simply cannot be over emphasized.
Another criterion is, marry a man/woman that loves him/herself. Now I am not talking about self- centredness. I mean the kind of love you have for yourself that shows that you don’t need another being to make you like or feel good about yourself always.
You remember the greatest commandment that says Love your neighbor as much as you love yourself? This simply means we’re supposed to love ourselves first. Only when a man/woman loves him/herself can he know how to love his neighbor.
Many people in the world now are deficient of what we call self- love. They may appear to be good looking outwardly but they hate themselves inwardly. And the most pathetic part is that they seek someone that will make them love themselves always. – outrightly impossible
A spouse that doesn’t Love him/herself will not love you. I mean isn’t the saying true, that you can’t give what you don’t have?
Moreover, a spouse that doesn’t love him/herself will rely on you to love him/herself. They will always seek their happiness from you. My dear, that is not even healthy. It is an overwhelming burden to put on yourself. Plus, it is an impossible task. In fact, it is a mission that can never be accomplished. It will only lead to endless frustrations on both sides.
Another thing is, these type of people will only stick with you because they know you love them not because they love you – remember they cannot love because they don’t know what love is. And charity (love) they say, begins at home. That’s a one sided relationship. Another toxic one that nobody deserves to be in.
Surely, there are more issues that break marriages other than adultery… nevertheless let’s take it and solve it all one at a time.
Remember your criteria for choosing the right man or woman to marry are not complete if they don’t include “knowing God and loving themselves“. And this includes you possessing the criteria yourself!
READ MORE: DOES GOD CHOOSE OUR PARTNER FOR US?
Have you learned from the above article? If yes, kindly share with a friend. And don’t forget to drop your comments.
What other criteria do you think we should take into consideration before choosing a man or woman to marry? We want to learn from you too… share with us!