“Your success in life depends on your relationships.”
No matter who you become in life, without the right people – without quality relationships established, you are still far from getting it right.
I’m always taken by any topic with the word ‘relationship’ in it. Why? Relationship is my moving force.
You are where you are today because of the people that you have entertained into your life and established whatsoever kind of relationship with.
The more time I spend on planet earth the more I have come to value relationships.
Today, I espouse a value system that says, you are your relationships and your relationships are you
I now understand better that relationship is everything; career wise, educational wise, marriage, wait, pause there, especially marriage.
You will agree with me when I say it is highly imperative to get it right with our marital spouse. Hence, the essence of this article.
My point (in case you are still wondering), is relationships are simply everything.
However. there are two major types of relationships, we have what we call a healthy relationship and we have of course, what I call relationshit. I believe you do not need me to explain the latter. The term goes without saying.
Last post on RELATIONSHIP OR RELATIONSHIT – These Two Sure Techniques Reveal That You’re in a Toxic Relationship. I highlighted two major techniques that can be used to evaluate the kind of relationship you are in. As a result of that, I got some comments asking me to shed more light on occurrences that may signify a relationshit.
Though, I have previously written on RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS YOU MUSTN’T IGNORE . Nevertheless, there are other simple but often overlooked, yet profound signs which may signify an unhealthy relationship.
The first one is,
ONE SIDED EFFORT
Here’s Patrick’s experience, perhaps you could relate.
“I was so sad, almost to the point of being depressed. I had always being the lover, the attention giver, but never the one to receive in return. It was the worst feeling ever. I could call all day and every day without a single call/text from her.
Each time I asked, she’d say she knew I was going to call. I had thought she needed more time to adjust, I was wrong. It wasn’t about what she needed, it was about what she didn’t need- me” – Patrick
Have you heard of the statement it takes two to tango? I bet you have.
Though sad, but it’s true that certain partners love to be only on the receiving end. Never attempting to reciprocate.
Hey, it’s called a couple for a reason. Two people make it work.
And I know the calling may seem like no big deal, but only now my dear. Only now. No one can endure such a situation for long.
Ask yourself, are you ready to continue with them for the rest of your life knowing you alone will carry the burden of picking the phone every day? In the long run, do you see yourself being the only one to call every frigging time?
This one sided effort may not only apply to calling. It could be gifts, sacrifices, compromises. Are they there when you need them to be or do they always come up with excuses not to?
Know this, if you are not the one getting their attention, someone or something else definitely is.
Your partner should be your priority. If they aren’t, what else is? YOUR WORK?
If you want to make your work your priority then you shouldn’t be in a relationship in the first place.
And in case you console yourself by saying, “That will change when I get married.” Do not be deceived, whatever you do while courting is exactly what you will do when married.
23 year-old Jane also has something to share about her experience,
“Before we started dating, countless times I had emphasized how much I loved spontaneous texts. Unfortunately, after several months of dating I never got one. But I didn’t complain because I didn’t want to be a nag. Instead, I kept texting him, sending him nice messages; how much I valued and admired him. Hoping he would reciprocate, but I got nothing.
I eventually expressed my concerns to him. It however, broke my heart when he announced that my texts didn’t make him feel any better. They made absolutely no difference to him each time he received them. Right then I knew I had to let go. He didn’t love me as much as I had thought he did.
And today, though still single, I’m so glad it ended. I am much happier now than I was with him. With him all I ever felt were sadness and disappointments.”- Jane
If Jane’s story sounds like something you’re experiencing in your relationship, then you might want to consider doing what she did.
NO FUTURE PLANS.
Call me old school but why on earth would someone choose to date a partner they do not see a future with? I know I would not.
“Let’s go with the flow” is just another way of saying, “Lets waste each other’s precious time.”
Sincere couple should discuss important future questions like;
What kind of home would you love to live in? How many kids would you like to have? When do you intend to marry?
If your partner doesn’t discuss this with you, my dear, it is not because they do not have a future plan, it is because you are not part of it.
This is what Thomas has to say,
“I dated this girl for 2 years straight, and each time I brought up the issue of marriage her response was always, ‘when we get to the border we will cross it.’ We broke up eventually because I thought she wasn’t ready for marriage.
6 months after, I found out through face book that she’d gotten married to someone else in a period of just 5 months of courting. I felt devastated and wished I had ended it sooner with her. You want my advice? They always know who they want to settle with. Don’t get fooled” – Thomas
If they are not talking they are stalking. They want to keep their options open with the hope that sooner or later someone better would come along.
Now, I understand talking about marriage with your partner does not guarantee that it will actually end in marriage, but the truth is, it does count for something. Except of course, you’re both wasting each other’s time
If your partner avoids the future talk, sweetheart, there is fire on the mountain. Be at alert, run!
NO ONE KNOWS YOU ARE TOGETHER
Wait, seriously? Not even their friends? How is that even possible?
“’I want to keep our relationship on low key.’ This was Joanna’s statement each time I asked why she never uploaded my/our pictures on any of her social media handles.
Two months preceding our break up while still nurturing my own heart break, I began seeing her pictures with our mutual friend, tagged ‘the love of my life’. At first I thought I was dreaming. Then, I realized that she wasn’t keeping our relationship low key, she was keeping me low key. No, scrap that, she was hiding me.”- Felix
There’s a vast difference between keeping your relationship low key and hiding your partner. Learn from Felix. Don’t get played.
I mean, com’on, wouldn’t you agree with me when I say the exuberant feelings you get when you’re with your partner would almost make you stand on the globe, while holding a microphone, and announce them to the whole world? Of course, if that was possible.
If no one knows you with your partner, talk to them and express your concerns. If afterwards there’s still no change, then consider it a ginormous red flags. Do yourself a favor, shift.
READ RELATED ARTICLES: 20 BASIC QUESTIONS TO DISCUSS BEFORE ENTERING A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM/HER
There are no doubts other unwavering warning signs in relationships that aren’t listed here, you just have to watch out.
However, I’d advise to keep a better eye out before settling with any partner to prevent future heartache.
A great way would be to avoid getting involved with a complete stranger. Get to ask each other some apt questions before you become a couple. This is a strategy that can save you a lifetime of regret.
That said, I will be writing in my next post, lists of helpful questions to discuss with your partners before or while in a relationship.
Until then, I do hope you have learnt from this article. Be kind and share with your friends.
Do not forget to use the comment box to share your thoughts and opinions with us. Let us know other important signs we need to watch out for in our relationships.
Your voice counts and it’s always a pleasure reading from you.