5 Mistakes Single Ladies Make That Show They’re Desperate

Okay, so maybe you’re a lady in her 20s, and the pressure to get a partner to settle down with is mounting already.

Say, every weekend you get invited to weddings, and in those moments when the announcement goes, ‘you may kiss your bride,’ you silently wish you were that bride that’s about to get kissed by her groom.

Oh, wouldn’t that be great?’ You fantasized. Until you remember you actually don’t have someone yet.

It’s totally fine to feel this way. But you know what’s not fine? Deciding to go all the way to be that bride as soon as possible.

This is a bad decision that will leave you wounded and shattered much more sooner than you may think.

In African culture, particularly in Nigeria where I’m from, once a lady is in her 20s, they say her clock is ticking- meaning it’s time for her to find a potential husband to get married to.

While it’s normal for every lady to consider age in her decision to get married, society has made it an overwhelming thought that’s gradually eating up those who are of age but yet to marry.

As a result of this, these ladies tend to act in certain ways that spell desperation.

Desperation- a dangerous trait that when exercised and acted upon, births nothing but lifetime regrets and sorrows. Now, you don’t want that, do you?

That said, here are the subtle acts that reveal you’re desperate as a single lady. Read them, know them, digest them, and beware of them because they’re dangerously dangerous.

  1. You See Every Suitor/Guy As A Potential Husband 

Every lady has what she looks for in a guy.

Let me rephrase, everyone has what they look for in their spouse before even going into a relationship with them.

Hence, when a lady whose choice in a guy ordinarily would be ‘God-fearing, caring, tall, funny, independent, smart’ starts to view every guy as a potential husband regardless of whether he possesses those traits or characters, has desperation written all over her.

At this point of her life, she’s not thinking of her preferences or desired choices.

She’s become more concerned with satisfying society – her family, friends, and the likes-than she is at satisfying her wants and future.

With this mindset, it’s easy for a lady to fall victim to the wrong partner because she has suddenly become indifferent to who she ends up with – good or bad.

Take note ladies, when out of the blue, you start viewing every guy as a potential hubby even before he asks you out, you need to take a step back for self-check and reevaluation.

Because believe it or not, men can perceive a desperate woman from anywhere- and when that happens, they only do two things-they either run from or take advantage of you.

  1. You Ignore Boundaries

One of the peculiar traits of a desperate woman is that she doesn’t set boundaries. And when she does, she could care less when it’s been crossed or violated.

Instead of tying your happiness to the presence of a man in your life, focus on becoming a woman of value that a man craves for her presence.

Boundaries vary depending on the individual’s wants. From calling before coming over, no sex before marriage, to not invading personal space like checking your messages or picking your calls.

You’re hesitant to say no because you’re scared he just might leave you and you’ll have to start all over again- and that’s your greatest dread.

If you notice yourself giving into or embracing what you normally would not have tolerated in your relationship, it’s a big sign you’re wearing a perfume called desperation


  1. You Overlook Red Flags In Relationships

A desperate lady is one who either pays no attention to or overlooks bad omens in her relationship.

Red flags in relationships include insults, lying, cheating, gaslighting, beatings, and so on.

No lady in her right senses wants to be maltreated or mishandled. Hence, if you’re willing to keep up with a guy who brings more tears to you than roses, it’s not love, my sister, it’s desperation.  

What’s worse is, even when a friend, family, or other close pals point those red flags out, they refuse to admit and may even stay away from such friends.

Some ladies are in such denial that they often make up excuses for the guy’s awful attitudes towards them, claiming it was their fault that he acted badly.

Please recognize when there’s fire on the mountain, run as fast as you can so you don’t end up getting burnt in the process.

Another popular but feeble excuse some ladies use is that he will change.

But the reality is, deep down in their heart, they don’t believe he is ever going to change.

What they do believe, in fact, is that they will never find someone else once they leave him.

if you’re willing to keep up with a guy who brings more tears to you than roses, it’s not love, my sister, it’s desperation.  

I’m here to tell you, sister, that’s not true. It’s a bullock and you should never embrace such demeaning thought.

You need to work on this mindset because it’ll lead you to more trouble than a midnight snack will.


  1. You Think Something Is Wrong With You  

A lady who constantly compares herself to her friends is bound to think that something must be wrong with her for not being married yet when her friends are getting married.

At this time, all she sees is herself and herself only. She’s blinded to thousands of other women who are not yet married.

It might benefit you to understand this;

Journeys differ. Routes differ. Paths differ. We may all be living on the same planet but how we live differs for everyone.

It doesn’t matter if your friends are getting married before you do. That’s their own story. You have yours, and it’s not the same as theirs.

Nothing‘s wrong with you. I repeat nothing is wrong with you. You’re perfectly alright.

However, you may also want to examine yourself to know what your lapses are, in terms of your characters, your values, and so on.

But don’t we all have to examine ourselves once in a while to make adjustments and corrections where necessary? Of course.

We may all be living on the same planet but how we live differs for everyone.

But never think the reason you’re still single is that you’re unlovable or you deserve less.

  1. You Focus All Your Energy On Finding A Guy

It’s the last thing you think about before sleeping and the first thing on your mind when you wake up. And most likely, it may be what wakes you up every morning.

Your eyes have suddenly become a telescope.

Everywhere you go they dart around looking for a guy. When you’re on public transport you can’t help but wonder if the guy you’re sitting next to will ask for your number.

At weddings, you look around for a cute guy to ask you out. Why won’t they ask me out? Just why? You keep asking.

You have to understand that not only is this ridiculous, but it’s also unhealthy for you.

Because at this stage, your career doesn’t matter, that is if you even have one. Your dreams are ignored.

You are not living in the present but deeply engrossed in the uncertain future that you have little or no control over.

Instead of tying your happiness to the presence of a man in your life, focus on becoming a woman of value that a man craves for her presence.

Invest in yourself sis. Work on your goals, your careers, get better, be better.

Men are naturally drawn to a woman who has a life outside her relationship. One who isn’t waiting around looking for a man to add meaning to her life.

No doubt these signs can also be found in all ladies regardless of age or concerns about marriage.

Nevertheless, you will often find them more in desperate ones.

Wait for what you desire, but more importantly, be what you desire.

Every lady’s dream is to have a beautiful relationship with the best man on earth. As much as this is fine, it shouldn’t be your only dream.

Marriage is important but you know what’s more important, the people in the marriage.

It takes two to tango, so don’t let desperation overrule and cloud your judgment regarding your choice of a partner.

Wait for what you desire, but more importantly, be what you desire. And the best time to do this is when you’re single.

If you think you have too many expectations about your choice of man, go over it in your mind. Talk to a trusted friend or a mentor. Let them guide you.

Remember, single or married, your value still stands, so don’t give it up for anyone.




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What other desperate acts do you know that aren’t mentioned above?

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