Falling in love is never wrong. But the reason(s) for falling, and the person you fall for, may be.
Yes, we both know….falling in love is one of, if not the most beautiful feelings in the world.
You’ll also nod to this – when you’re in love, especially at the early stage, everything feels exhilarating, as though, it should and would never end.
You develop this superb energy out of the blue. So overpowering, yet so beautiful.
You find yourself daydreaming about them. You constantly imagine what the future will be like with them – the kind of house you’d live in, the number of children you’d have, and how it will all still feel as wonderful as it feels today. Even after 50 years to this time.
Could there be a better feeling than this?
But hey, just like everything else in life, falling in love has its own downsides.
It can burn you just as quickly as it empowers you. Worse, it can leave you wounded for the rest of your life (if care is not taken).
Disagree? Ask those who have experienced it.
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Welcome! This is exactly where I’m going with this blog.
Have you ever wondered why relationships end almost as soon as they begin? Or why people claim they suddenly “fall out of love”
Well, I always do. ‘cause how do you explain a feeling that started out as a burning fire dying halfway… quarter-way, even?
One moment, the one person you couldn’t go a day without thinking about, without wanting to spend every second of every day with, one whom you could never get enough of, suddenly becomes the one who irks you.
It makes absolutely no sense.
In fact, you easily get bored of their company. And each time you talk, you just can’t wait for the conversation to be over so, “you can get on with your life”.
This begs the question;
Where did all the thrilling feelings go? How has it suddenly come to this?
Perhaps, you were mistaken in the first place? Perhaps you had fallen in love for all the wrong reasons.
Here is a fact. There are thousands of reasons why people fall in love, of which not all are right.
Follow me to elaborate, will you?
Money is an example. For many, all their partners need have is money to conclude that they are head over heels.
Sex is another example; some people tell you at the early stage of their relationship,
“What’s not to love? The sex is really good.” Then after the whole charade crashes, you hear them say, “But the sex was really good”. Oh, you bet!
Another wrong reason, and a dangerous one at that, for falling in love is when someone feels like age is no longer on their side.
This usually happens with women. They think they are getting old. So their brain tricks them into believing that they are actually in love with almost anyone that shows the slightest bit of affection towards them.
Of course, ‘desperation’ will make anything seem appealing.
There is more. People tend to fall in love easily after a sad breakup.
They feel lonely and rejected, especially if they were the ones who got dumped. They easily jump into the arms of the first person who makes them feel like they matter. Anyone who seems to take their pain away.
Another wrong reason to fall in love with someone would be to think that you owe it to them to love them in return simply because they claim to love you first.
Falling in Love for the Wrong Reasons is one of the many factors that end relationships prematurely.
Sadly, people hardly realize this on time, or at all. They never can really tell if their reasons are right or wrong.
This is often because, at the starting stage of romance, you are oblivious to things going on around you. You are carried away.
You seldom check the reasons behind what and how you feel.
I don’t blame you. I mean, it’s such a good feeling! Why would anyone want to cross-check that?
Seeing as what may appear wrong to one person may be right to another, I decided it was best to seek different people’s opinions on the wrong reasons why people fall in love.
Go ahead and read the unfiltered responses I got from them.
Please, note that names have been changed.
Question 1 – Do you believe in the statement, “falling in love for the wrong reason(s)?”.
Question 2 – (If answered yes to question 1) For you, what would be the wrong reason(s) for falling in love?
Question 3 – For you, what would be the right reason(s) for falling in love?
Question 4 – On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest), rate how much falling in love for the wrong reason(s) leads to early break-ups in relationships.
Falola, male, 25 years old.
1. Yes, I believe that people sometimes overreact and they fall in love for the wrong reasons.
2. Some people claim to fall in love with someone they had a one-night stand with simply because the sex was good.
On the other hand, some girls will say “he must be ‘stinkingly’ rich, tall, handsome…” So when the idiot comes and throws a little cash around, she’s in love straight up.
But on most occasions, people who are emotionally drained are the ones that fall in this category. They’d just be falling up and down in love.
3. The only genuine and right reason to fall in love with someone should be because of their personality and vitreous attributes. Most importantly, it is helpful to fall in love with love.
4. I pick 10.
Joy, female, 22 years old
3. We don’t need any reason to fall in love with anyone. Love cannot be explained, nor can it be controlled.
Kolawole, male, 24 years old.
2. Friendship – Some of us don’t know how to stay just friends with the opposite sex. Not all friendships should lead to a romantic relationship.
3. Conviction. Everyone knows and recognizes it when it comes. For instance, it’s natural for a guy to be attracted to a lady’s beauty. But then there’s something more about her that will stir up that conviction that she is the right one.
It could be her ‘almost every time cheerful attitude’. Age can’t take away that, but can surely take away the beauty.
4. I pick 8
Gloria, female, 24 years old
2. One, trying to fill a void or trying to feel complete. People fall in love unintentionally because they think the other person will complete them. They think they will cure their loneliness, which is very wrong.
Another wrong reason is as a result of pressure, be it from peers or family. Pressure to settle down and get married. Some people fall in love because they feel the person in question will meet all their needs (in this case, I feel the love is not real).
Some also fall in love just because they find themselves attracted to the person in question, sometimes obsession sets in, which is unhealthy.
There are so many wrong reasons why people fall in love, but in general, whoever falls in love for all the wrong reasons isn’t really in love in the first place.
Although they tend to think they are in love, the love isn’t real. It’s not true love and it won’t last. This answers question 3
4. I pick 9. The break-up may not be early, but it will definitely happen.
As you can see above, not everyone agreed with the first question.
Some people simply believe that there isn’t a wrong reason for falling in love.
Henry, male, 25 years old, says,
“If someone falls in love, whatever the reason behind it, so far it’s genuine, I don’t think it’s wrong. But the problem is, a lot of time what you think is love is something else. When you truly love someone, it’s never wrong.”
He believes that Love is never wrong, do you agree with him?
If love is never wrong, why do we seldom get it right?
A friend of mine also argued that falling in love is not something you have power over. He says,
“It just happens, that’s why it’s called falling in love. You fall in it, it’s not conscious.”
Well, maybe it’s true. Maybe you really can’t help the process of falling in love. Maybe you can’t control it.
But what you do have control over is who you choose to stay in love with. It may sound impossible but it’s true.
As hard as it is to admit, you choose who you stay in love with.
So, next time you start developing feelings for someone, pause, take a step back, and ask yourself this question,
“Is this happening for all the right reasons?”
Do it now before it gets too deep and save yourself from a massive future heartache.
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So, what do you think? Do you believe in the statement Falling in Love for the Wrong Reasons?
Share your opinions in the comment section below.
I always look forward to reading from you.
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Stay blessed. Ciao!