It’s a common question and it often goes like this, ‘Is it right for a lady to ask a guy out?’ Should women propose to men?’
Between you and I, we know very well what society thinks about this move. Especially in this part of my world.
Often more than not, when a woman professes her interest in a man first, she is seen as one who lacks dignity and self-respect.
“You should never ask a man out. Never. Or else he will neither value nor respect you. He will treat you like garbage and you will live to regret ever making the first move on him.” Says the society.
But the question is, is this really true?
Someone may ask, “What do you think, Enny?” Well, the truth is only my opinion doesn’t really matter in this case.
Hence, to shed more light on the topic I spoke with 7 guys and 3 ladies. After all, it’s better to hear directly from the horses’ mouths, don’t you think?
With that said, here is what both genders have to say about the topic. Sit back, and have fun reading their raw and undiluted responses.
WHAT DO GUYS HAVE TO SAY?
Joy: Male, 35 Years Old.
Kevin: Male, 26 Years Old.
AY: Male, 26 Years Old.
Lekan: Male, 26 Years Old.
Fellow: Male, 32 Years Old.
Mikel: Male, 25 Years Old.
How do you feel when a lady asks you out? Do you find her more or less attractive? Or it doesn’t change anything about her for you?
JOY: Personally, I like it when a lady asks me out first. First, it is less work for me, figuring out whether she likes me or not or whether she is open to us.
I am a timid person and can be terrible at reading people, and almost never have a good sense for this, so it is a big help for me if a lady makes the first move. Bear in mind, a lady can ask a guy out in so many ways. It does not have to be outright. The subtle signs are enough, those that we call “green light.”
I have had a few of those in the past, and I have gently turned down the one I was not interested to pursue anything with. However, this does not change my view about a lady who’d make such a move, instead, it sort of plants a butterfly in my belle especially when she is someone you intend to pursue. It spells out what I sometimes lack in situations like that; CONFIDENCE.
KEVIN: I would feel surprised and kind of shy especially if I didn’t see it coming. And I wouldn’t find her less attractive, no. More so, if I had lacked courage before she took the bull by the horn, umm how happy my soul😁.
AY: It doesn’t make her less attractive. I perceive it as bold and a courageous act.
SEUN: To the first question, a lady asking me out ain’t weird though but I’ll feel so abashed ’cause I wouldn’t have the right answer depending on whom the proposal is coming from.
In our cultural practices, it’s absurd and illogical only that I learned recently that it is acceptable in Sweden; what a heck! Her personality would preach either true or false gospel to me. You can’t expect me to find a lady who is more or my kid sister “attractive” that’s hell NO! It’s abusive…
LEKAN: It’s doesn’t change anything. I find it even attractive. For you to have the confidence to approach me and express yourself, you are a queen. A friend did that and she is enjoying the relationship.
FELLOW: I find it amusing and it doesn’t change anything about her for me.
MIKEL: Firstly, if a girl should ask me out I will always respect her because it takes courage and boldness to ask someone out. Then if she’s someone I like then I will do the needful.
Has a lady ever asked you out? If yes, what was your response?
JOY: Yes! The one I wanted I was happy to get along while the ones I did not want faded off through my lack of communication along that line. I have had a few of that.
Like I said earlier, a lady asking someone out does not necessarily need to be an outright expression of her interest. Just the green lights are enough to get going and someone like me would have the floor laid at my feet to make the move. It could be something as simple as asking me “what do you want from me?” Especially after we’ve had close communication/conversation for some time.
KEVIN: Actually, a lady hasn’t asked me out directly, but, she resulted in buying me gifts and that was kinda unusually nice. But guess I was too shy to accept and at that time it felt awkward. It rarely happens to me and we lost track.
AY: No lady has asked me out before.
SEUN: Yes, I’ve had such experiences. When I was approached by this gorgeous chubby looking lady, I felt startled ’cause firstly she’s not a devoted Christian; her mission was to find whom to devour and use as a scapegoat.
And secondly, we don’t belong in the same caliber; she’s a top-class lady who’d always expect more than what I can afford. See ehn, she has enjoyed life inside life, lol and now she wanted the perfect gentleman to settle down with.
So, I applied God’s wisdom in dealing with her and I had VICTORY aftermath. I had two different ladies who made their wishes known to me and ’cause it wasn’t my first experience I was able to deal with ’em maturely.
LEKAN: Like straightforward no. But I have someone that really shows the sign and makes it easy.
FELLOW: No (there are some green lights though and some positioning but it’s cool).
READ MORE: 5 Myths About Love You Should Ditch Now
Would you prefer a lady asking you out or you would love to always make the first move?
JOY: A bit of both work. It gets so tiring being the male having to live up to social expectations of always making the first move. Ladies are complex to us and the rejection rate is high. So if you ask me, I will prefer getting asked out 7 out of 10 times.
It takes me time before I can express my feelings to someone and I hate to go through that stress of first starting to pretend, and then putting up a courageous face, and then going through the expression and only to get rejected. So it won’t be a bad idea if ladies do it more often than not. The chances of a lady getting rejected are much less and socially not as big of a deal.
KEVIN: Most times signs of interest on her part would be better. But in a scenario where the guy in question lacks the ability to understand signs she could go ahead, but I prefer both ways.
AY: I would prefer making the first move. My reason is that it takes courage to be able to walk up to a lady, trust me. If you can’t conquer that first show of courage in a relationship, your love interest might not full-heartedly be able to trust you with handling other issues that require courage.
So, asking her out is kinda like my way of saying… ‘I am man enough to be expressive, and to also attack my nervousness and fears’.
SEUN: The third question, it is incoherently absurd for a lady to make such a move. You know men would always be men, and our natural traits will be manifested. Such a lady will lose her dignity and she’d be cheated on.
She can ne’er find truth in such desperate man who says YES afterward. So, desperation and enthusiasm are major factors we need to consider.
LEKAN: I will make babe ask me out ooo… To satisfy my Ego. As fine man now 🥰🥰🥰… Anyone works now jawe.
FELLOW: I will prefer to make the first move. (Going first is a benchmark for confidence and being secured in the relationship. It saves being suspicious at some point in the relationship).
MIKEL: As long as the likeness is there, I don’t mind.
READ MORE: 5 Reasons Why You Need A Heart Break
What is your opinion about our society’s view which tells us that ladies who ask guys out are cheap and have zero dignity?
JOY: To me, that is Humiliation and Degradation. I am not and will not be in support of “society.”
Society should not determine where my heart goes. I may sound a little biased because of the type of person I am and what I had expressed above but I am not going to call a lady who asks a man out cheap and have zero dignity.
We are the society and that means it depends on what the man thinks of himself. How you think of somebody else who asks you out is a reflection of how you think of yourself.
If you think you’re attractive and have a lot to offer, then why would you look down on a woman who asked you out? You wouldn’t. If you look down on the woman, in essence, you are thinking that you aren’t much of a catch, if you perceive her as cheap it’s because you think you don’t stand out from the other men.
Cheap? No! It implies she has agency as an autonomous being and has not been brainwashed into an artificial framework where she’s arbitrarily required to accept the social role of being “the passive gender”.
To me, a lady like that definitely exudes a lot of confidence. She knows how to do what her heart wants her to do. She knows how to stand up for herself and her wishes without giving much attention to what the other people and especially the concerned guy would think of her. And, that makes her attractive and interesting to me, not necessarily cheap.
So, I don’t understand why I would ever look down on such a woman! If anything, I would only be more intrigued to get to know her.
KEVIN: Actually, such ladies would have been termed cheap if it were back in the day, but now it’s actually not much of a big deal. Nevertheless, everyone is entitled to their opinions, but, it’s not much of a big deal.
AY: Society has its reasons for making its decisions, I won’t argue with that. But standards also need to be flexible sometimes.
SEUN: Hmm, this is a black nation and for our societal value not to accommodate such act, the detriments involved must have been perceived before Christ. Ephesians 5:21-24 talks about the submission of the wife to her husband. if a lady was given the capacity to fulfill this mandate she’ll be cheap and disrespected ’cause they’re weaker vessels.
LEKAN: Woooo, most things the society teaches us are nonsense. What does expressing your feeling have to do with dignity? If a lady asks me out, I will forever respect her. It takes a lot of courage for you to walk up to someone and express how you feel.
FELLOW: It’s a wrong perspective to make a conclusion that girls asking a guy she loves out is cheap. The ground at which such is established must be genuinely defined. And more importantly, is basically on levels of understanding and maturity between both parties.
Pouring minds out to someone you love is never a crime. a no or yes is better than having the regret of not making an attempt at all. Just like a quote, “It fit be today, so we have to try again.”
Dignity Start with being sincere to oneself this triggers decisions that publicize our behavior to people.
MIKEL: I think it’s archaic. I don’t see anything bad in a lady asking a guy out. If you see what you like just go for it. If what you like now likes you in return, you’d never regret asking the guy out.
READ MORE: Should A Woman Embrace Her Femininity?
Do you think there will be fewer singles if more ladies ask guys they like out instead of always waiting for the guy to make the first move?
JOY: If we look at how many single guys/ladies are out there, the answer is a definite YES.
First, ladies engage in this thing called mind games. They probably like someone who also likes them but still tries to play hard to get. If ladies take the initiative more often than not, they’ll learn how to be more expressive and they’ll also stop the mind games.
If someone likes you, playing around with his time or intentionally playing the hard-to-get game when you feel the same way is not a good thing to do. It will not make him value you more, it’ll not change anything. You’ll lose out on amazing people if you continue.
Taking the lead and asking a man out does not in any way reduce or take away anyone’s dignity. You may be doing yourself better than you may never know.
I have an example. I became friends with a lady with the sole intention of building something between us. In my usual way, I took all the time, it was like an eternity before I was able to open up to her. She responded she was not looking for a relationship. We met in November, she sent me a romantic Val
box in February. I was not at home the day she brought it, she waited for me to return from work despite I told her my apartment key was with me she somehow found it, entered my apartment, and waited until I returned from work late in the night.
Long story short, I moved on from chasing her since she does not seem interested in a relationship or at least pretended not to be. Fast-forward to 2022, she is still single, needing a relationship, and had stylishly asked me several questions related to my expressions to her but I have long moved on and even found someone better.
KEVIN: Yes, there will surely be fewer singles, imagine if the ladies I’d had a crush on had asked me out😏 Plus, the pressure on many guys would be minimal, you know.
AY: Yes, I do. It would save nervous guys the stress. Although nervousness shouldn’t be the reason you can’t ask a lady out. Guys need to work on that.
SEUN: This is intense! this fifth question is kinda sha. hm… in my own opinion, you know some guys are introverts and when this opportunity comes in a blue moon they maximize the golden offer. the impression of a lady who made such an approach should be considered. the heart of a woman is fragile and when broken it’ll give birth to a baby girl after 9months; aftermath the single lady will now, in turn, be a single mother. #winks.
So, patience is the key, as there’s always a guy for every woman. My advice to the gentle lady reading this piece is for you to position yourself right and the right man will find you. gracias!
LEKAN: Yes ooo. If ladies can see it as the norm to shoot their shot, a lot of people will have a relationship by now.
FELLOW: There will be fewer singles anyway but if not genuinely define we will have more problems in society than the singles problem been solved. It can lead to single mothers everywhere, heartbreaks, depression, women might lose their core value as men will rate them unequal. It won’t really make sense, cause most men might not be committed to their relationship.
MIKEL: Not necessarily because it’s only when the relationship works out that both parties will no longer remain single.
READ MORE: The Secrets To A Long-Lasting Relationship
WHAT DO LADIES HAVE TO SAY?
Esther: Female, 23 Years Old.
Eljay: Female, 26 Years Old.
Kemi: Female, 26 Years Old.
- Can you ask a guy out? If not, why?
Esther: Yes, I can ask a guy out.
Eljay: I definitely can.
Kemi: No, it just does not seem right to me.
Have you ever asked a guy out?
Esther: Not yet, I haven’t.
Eljay: 2. Not asked out per se but we’ve been talking for a while online and I asked him out to lunch for our first date.
Have you ever been in a position where you liked a guy who didn’t ask you out?
Esther: Not really, I have only had crushes.
Eljay: Yes, a lot!! LOL
If yes, what did you do? Did you ask him out? What was his response?
Esther: Ohhh, there was a time in my life when as a joke I publicly proposed to a guy I didn’t know at a car park. He said yes actually but we laughed it off and walked our separate ways.
Eljay: He made it clear that he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship so there was no need.
Kemi: I did nothing…we were just friends and talked as normal friends.
What is your opinion about our society’s view which tells us that ladies who ask guys out are cheap and have zero dignity?
Esther: I feel like it is wrong. If you like a guy there is nothing wrong with asking him out. Guys should not be the only ones that ask ladies out.
Eljay: From what I’ve heard, guys like it when girls make the first move so that’s a lie.
Kemi: Well, I will say if you like someone there is a way to show it without stooping low or losing your dignity.
Do you think there will be fewer singles if more ladies ask guys they like out instead of waiting for the guy to always make the first move?
Esther: I don’t think so. That you ask a guy out does not mean he would say yes so that is not really a determinant
Eljay: Not really, if they are adults then nobody should be scared to express how they feel regardless of their gender. I think people should be more open and honest.
Kemi: I don’t think so.
After reading through the responses from these guys, I can’t help but wonder if it’s just the society that is against this act or men themselves.
Because from what I’m seeing, and that I’m sure you are seeing too, most men do not give a damn about who asks who out first.
And if I’m not mistaken, a larger percentage of men find it attractive and bold when a lady makes the first move.
Ironically, I can tell that ladies no longer care either. They go for what they want when they want it. Well, who would have thought?
Come to think of it, am I saying ladies should not be sought after? Of course not. Please, be and remain chasable, ma ladies. Asking a guy out doesn’t have to be a direct approach.
There are subtle yet effective ways you can make that cute guy you’ve been admiring know you are interested in him without being vocal about it. At the end of the day, he’d think he is the one who actually asked you out when in reality, the reverse was the case. Are you ladies with me? #big smiles.
Over to you my amiable readers. What do you think about this discussion? If you’re a guy, would you like to be asked out by a lady? Ladies, would you ask a guy out, and have you ever done it? What was the outcome? Share with us in the comment session below. You know it is always a pleasure reading from you!
READ SIMILAR ARTICLE: Premarital Sex Discussion- Here’s What Youths Have To Say About Sex Before Marriage.