The Secrets To A Long-Lasting Relationship

Hey you, don’t be the next victim of bad relationships. You’ve already experienced enough. Time to do things differently and in the right way.

How? These secrets you’re about to find out are the formula for a long-lasting relationship. 

So allow me to help you, sit tight, and read on. 

But first, here are a few relationship statistics you will find interesting, 


  • A study at the University of Pavia in Italy found out that, the honeymoon phase lasts about a year. After that, levels of a chemical called “nerve growth factor,” which is associated with intense romantic feelings, start to fall.


  • Research from the University of Connecticut discovers that “an individual who is economically dependent on their partner is more likely to be unfaithful.” 


  • A Business Insider,  Erin Brown says, “gratitude may be a key to lasting relationships.”

Quite some findings, aren’t they?

For centuries now, people have longed to know the secrets that make a lasting relationship. Have they found one yet? Your answer is as good as mine. 

Unfortunately, with so many discouraging relationships statistics, it’s easy for a lot of people (youths especially) to either give up on believing in genuine love or simply decide to start messing around with the opposite sex. 

Hence, in a bid to assure you that all hope isn’t lost, I did a little research and discovered these profound secrets (only a few people know), that guarantee you a beautiful and lasting relationship – all things being equal.

Are you ready? Read on to discover the secrets to a long-lasting relationship

1. Communication Is Key

This may not be so much of a secret but you’ll be shocked to know how many couples still don’t understand the significance of communication in their relationship. 

There are different shades to it, one of which includes embracing the possibility of disagreement between you two. 

It’s okay to have a disagreement with your partner. 

The mistake most partners make during a disagreement is that they only focus on winning and proving the second party wrong. That’s not healthy.

Laura Schlessinger, a relationship expert says, “If you want your relationship to last, you need to give up your need to be right and in control all of the time.”

A disagreement means someone has an opposite view of a situation. When addressed properly, it reveals more about your partner that you may not have known before. Instead of attacking them, hear them out and see it as an opportunity to discover new things about each other. 

what you say isn’t always the issue as to how you say it

Another shade to communication is, not always rely on your body language to convey your messages to your spouse. Your spouse is not s mind reader (just as you aren’t). Speak out, but do so politely because what you say isn’t always the issue as to how you say it


2.  Put In The Right Efforts 

Ladies exercise to lose weight, guys do the same to manifest 6 packs. The question is, do you go this extra mile to make your relationship work? 

To get a good result, it’s only fair to put in the needful efforts, don’t you agree? The same goes for your relationship.

The problem is most youths are lazy to commit, invest, and make sacrifices in their relationship where necessary. Yet, they want the outcome that these investments bring. 

Sorry to disappoint you but there isn’t a ready-made relationship. 

Discard those unreasonable expectations if you want a long-lasting relationship.

Hey, no one said it was going to be easy, but it will definitely be worth it. 

One secret to a long-lasting relationship is to realize that it won’t happen without efforts, from both sides of course.

It’s a work in progress. No perfect relationship surfaces overnight, that is, if there are ever any. 

3. Never Compare

Realize that individuals are unique. What works for one doesn’t always work for another. Learn and know the need of your partner. What’s their love language (very important)? How do they communicate? What are their likes and dislikes? 

Understandably, with social media comes pressure. People post things on Instagram that can make you hate your own life if care is not taken. Don’t let this pressure get to you. 

Things aren’t the way they seem to be online. No one posts their worries or difficulties.  Virtually everyone appears perfect on social media while going through a lot more in private. 

That seemingly perfect couple you’re admiring and wishing to be like isn’t perfect after all. So, invest enough time in knowing the person you’re with instead of comparing them to another that they aren’t.

 Related Article – Why The Grass Appears To Be Greener On The Other Side

4. Expect Change

People are constantly changing; wouldn’t you agree? Change is good. 

One secret to a long-lasting relationship is to understand that there is and will always be a new version to your partner to discover as time goes on. So be ready to embrace a new partner version now and then. 

Many relationships have ended because of ‘he’s changed’ or ‘she’s changed.’ In this case, the partners involved most likely didn’t realize that change is inevitable.

No one remains the same forever. Expect change.

However, in the case where the change violates your values, and the partner isn’t ready to make things right, you have access to use the exit door.

5. Have a Low Key Relationship 

Social media has sabotaged more relationships than most other factors have. 

Keeping your relationship off social media means prioritizing the intimacy of your relationship, your peace of mind, and that of your partner above the prying eyes and validations of strangers. “  

I understand it’s normal to want to tell the whole world about this amazing person you’re in love with. In fact, if you can scream their name on the rooftop if given the chance to. But don’t put every romantic date, or every gift you get from them on the internet. 

Keep your relationship off social media

Now I don’t mean hide your partner. I mean resist the urge to constantly show them off on social media. A picture or two together is okay to share once in a while but never overdo it. 

Showing off too soon is a sneaky way of mounting pressure on yourself. When people know you are together too soon, you tend to want to keep the relationship at all costs. This can make you come on too hard thereby sending the wrong message to your partner (you may appear desperate). 

6. Give Them Space

Giving each other space is often one of the most underrated secrets to a long-lasting relationship. 

Reduce over-attachment and have a healthy lifestyle outside your relationship.

According to John Aiken, a relationship psychologist, “Couples need space in a relationship so they don’t suffocate each other. Having time apart is extremely healthy and keeps freshness in their relationship. It encourages each person to maintain their sense of identity while still being a couple, and it fosters independence and strength rather than neediness and clinginess.”

While spending time with your partner is good, giving each other space once in a while strengthens the bond. What is it they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Related Article – 5 Reasons Why You Need A Heart Break

7. Focus On Your Partner’s Good Sides

Humans tend to capitalize on an individual’s bad sides. This can hurt your relationship as no one likes to be criticized.

The way to correct this is to focus more on your partner’s good sides and tell them often.

Do they open the door for you? Call/Text you first thing in the morning? Are they good listeners, or do they give good advice? Tell them rather than nagging about their flaws. 

If your spouse knows what he/she is doing right, chances are high that they will do more of it. 

8. Romance is Important 

Go out on dates. Do fun stuff together. Visit the restaurants. Go hiking, play games together.  Go see a movie or two.  Get her flowers, watch that football match with him (guys love this). Write each other love letters, surprise each other. Don’t be boring. Keep the spark alive.

9. Drop The Reciprocity Mindset At the beginning of Your Relationship 

What do I mean by this?

Don’t always wait to reciprocate a good deed. Do nice things for your partner regardless of whether they do the same for you. 

Buy that shirt for him, get her that necklace, call them first, send them good night texts. Trust me, if they care about you, they will notice what you do, appreciate it, and eventually reciprocate.

10. Put God first 

If you’re a believer (which you should be), God should be at the center and the ruler of your relationship. Read the Word and do what it says. Love, forgive and respect each other. Putting God first is the wisest decision you both can make. 

God over everything else

11. Discard Your Past Baggage 

Your current partner isn’t your ex, so stop the comparison. We get that your ex broke your trust, doesn’t mean your current partner will. Your ex was not emotionally invested in you and it ruined things, believe your current partner will be more invested. 

If you feel you’re not over your past relationship disappointments, for the sake of both yours and the potential partner’s peace of mind, don’t bother entering a new one… otherwise the relationship has already broken before it even started, 

You can only live in one realm at a time, let it be the present.

It’s not fair to your new partner if you’re still hung up on or still desire your ex.  Ask them to give you time if you must, but don’t punish them for your past relationships. 

For your relationship to work, you need to be physically and emotionally present, and that won’t happen when you’re still hung up on the past. 

Related Article

6 Steps To Dealing With Loss

How To Stop Attracting Undesirable Partners

Finally, your relationship is only as perfect as the efforts you put into it.

As mentioned earlier, a good relationship is a work in progress. There will be challenges, your response determines how and if you will overcome them or not.

Also, remember that the grass is only greener where it is watered. Focus on your relationship and give it your best attention. Sow there, water it, weed it and you’ll harvest a great deal of fruits. 




Did you enjoy reading this article? If yes, share with a friend. 

Which one of these secrets discussed above will you start incorporating in your relationship?

Also, do you have other secrets to a long-lasting relationship you’d like to share?  

Do share them and other contributions in the comment section below. It’s always a pleasure reading from you.

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